THE TOP 10 THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR EXTRA DAY:

cartoon of leaping ear by jim dultz

1. Drink, dance and make love, for tomorrow we MARCH!

2. Not drink alcohol. I think I could handle this for one day, every 4 years.

3. Read “The People’s History of the United states,” by Howard Zinn. It’s been sitting on my nightstand for a month, all 746 pages of it, intimidating me. I think I’d need an extra day just to get into it.

4. Spend a day in Bhutan, where they measure their wealth in Gross National Happiness, but only if I can magically transport myself there. I’d feel like a damn fool if I spent my entire FREE DAY on an airplane, in COACH, no less! (Then there’s the price of the trip, which is a Gross National Fortune!)

See the Northern Lights. That would be truly awesome! But once again, I ask “Where is Quantum Air when we need them?” I’m telling you, the Quantum Leap is the way to go! You can travel light years in an instant, without a bit of jet lag, leave a zero carbon footprint, and have great leg room, I imagine. ...more

Hare Brained

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During the first big family event of this year, the annual Easter Bonnet Brunch, which, traditionally, is followed by an Easter evening poker game, I noticed this chocolate candy bunny box on the mantle while sitting a poker hand out. Mindlessly playing with the golden box, twirling it in my hands, I realized: Oh my God! It’s a yellow lab! Bunny? Lab. Lab? Bunny. It just depends on how you look at it. ...more

I Poisoned my Daughter this Christmas

Cartoon illustration of a holiday turkey

My daughter, son-in-law and their two labs came for a visit for the holidays. Although Natalia would always prefer fish to fowl, it was with a turkey the size of an ostrich that I poisoned her, along with my sister-in-law, Polly.

I was looking for a smaller turkey but the grocer said it was the last one in the store. (I should have known better.) ...more

I Lied to my Dog

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I lied to my dog yesterday. I'm not proud of it. Do any of you have dogs? We have a very sweet black standard poodle, named Remy, who we adore, named after Remy Martin, a French cognac, but she has some quirks. Don't get me wrong. I think dogs are perfect creatures. Anyone who can be so completely happy, living so totally in the NOW, without opposable thumbs, without decent language skills or even one credit card, gets my vote. ...more